Is Your Inner Critic Ever Useful?

Driving down the road, I could hear the voice in my head as if it were a little person sitting on my shoulder. And they didn’t have angel’s wings. They had a pitchfork. 

I had just left the office after giving a virtual presentation. This was during the early days of the pandemic, and it was a webinar—so I couldn’t see anyone’s face. It felt like I was talking into the abyss, and no way to know what landed and what didn’t. So of course, my default at the time, and human nature, was to see all the problems. Cue my inner critic to come out and tell me what I did wrong. What I should have known to do better. What typo I was an idiot to miss on my slides. The voice can sometimes be so loud and so convincing. 

What Is the Inner Critic and Why Does It Get So Loud?

The inner critic, I call mine Dolores, can say some nasty things that aren’t true. She doesn’t care whether what she says is fact or fiction; she’s just trying to get a reaction. Why does she say such nasty things? Because she is scared. 

Your inner critic comes out when part of you feels threatened. She makes herself heard when you step out, take risks, or get a little bigger and bolder. No matter how much we want what is on the other side of that bold, risky action, there will be fear, and where there is fear, there is the inner critic. Although it doesn’t feel like it, she is there trying to protect you.

Is the Inner Critic Ever Helpful? A Nuanced Answer

I’ve heard some folks say there is nothing useful about the inner critic and you shouldn’t listen to her at all. I suggest a more nuanced approach. While I wouldn’t listen to the insults or the depreciation, the fact that she is talking at all is useful information. She signals the fear you may not have acknowledged, or even know is there, in your subconscious. Without acknowledging the fear, turning toward it, and being compassionate, it is likely to fester and drive your actions. It will be the reason you hold back and keep yourself small. 

When we see the fear, we can tend to it and coax it to step aside. We do that similarly to how you might soothe a small child. Because the fears that trigger our inner critic are often the same ones we learned in childhood. Fear of losing love, safety, or belonging. Like a small child, if you make them feel heard and you calm their nervous system, it is easier as the wise adult to guide them to do what is needed. 

When Fear Is Understandable, but Not Useful

Occasionally, the fear may be well-founded. A client last week brought up fears she had about losing her job, which were kicked up by hospital restructuring happening around her. The reality is that she is not 100% in control of whether she keeps her job. But her inner critic yelling at her that she can’t make a mistake or she’ll lose her job, isn’t true or helpful. There is still wisdom in acknowledging the fear. When she was able to calm herself and her nervous system, to come back to center, she could see that the fear, though not entirely unfounded, wasn’t useful for her. There was no immediate action to take. She had to surrender that her job was not entirely hers. She could only control how she showed up and did the work, and that she would do that best if fear was not at the forefront. Her fear needed to be tended to and soothed. She could see her resilience and abundance; life would be challenging if she lost her job, but she trusted that she would be okay. 

There are times, however, when fear isn’t just a relic of the past or a nervous system reflex to growth. Sometimes it’s pointing to something that actually deserves your attention. The difference is subtle but important. When fear is useful, it isn’t loud, shaming, or catastrophic. It doesn’t tell you that you are fundamentally flawed or about to be exposed. Instead, it shows up as a quieter unease—a steady signal that something is out of alignment or incomplete. It might be asking you to prepare more thoughtfully, to have a hard conversation you’ve been avoiding, to set a boundary that feels uncomfortable, or to acknowledge that the way you are working or living is no longer sustainable. When we slow down enough to separate fear from criticism, we can hear this wisdom without being hijacked by it.

Working With Your Inner Critic

This is where discernment comes in: the ability to meet fear with compassion first, and curiosity second. Once the nervous system is settled, you can ask different questions. Is there something here that actually requires action? Or is this simply the discomfort of being seen, stretched, or uncertain? When there is wisdom in the fear, action will feel clear and grounded rather than frantic or urgent. You don’t need the inner critic to motivate you through pressure or threat. You can move forward from steadiness, self-trust, and choice. Over time, this practice builds a different relationship with yourself; one where you no longer confuse self-attack with accountability, or fear with truth. And from that place, the inner critic loses her power. Not because she’s been silenced, but because you’ve learned how to listen more wisely.That kind of listening changes not just how you work, but how you live inside yourself.