Five Energy Drains You Can Plug Up Now

Five Energy Drains You Can Plug Up Now

You wake up feeling drained. Fatigue seeping into your bones. You drag yourself out of bed and shuffle to the coffeemaker. Nothing will happen until you get that boost of caffeine. It’s hard to imagine how you’ll get through the day. Will the caffeine be enough? You mentally review your day, evaluating each item on your agenda and to-do list. You wonder, “How much energy will it take? Will I have enough?”

I know; I’ve felt like this, too. Constantly giving more than we have leads to burnout. 

Like your car or phone, humans have a metaphorical energy “tank.” We must power down and sleep to rejuvenate and fill our “tank.” However, we can also feel drained even after a good night’s sleep. That’s because what we focus on and do impacts how fast our “tank” is depleted. 

Below are five ways energy can be wasted, leaving your tank drained. These are all variations on how we approach fear. When we are afraid, we try to control, make sure things are perfect, ensure everyone around us is happy and likes us, fix things right away, and have difficulty making decisions.

Trying to control what you can’t control

High-achieving women attain success by making things happen and getting things done. For a long time, much of your life was in your control. When in school, you could study more and get better grades. As an individual contributor, you controlled your work. You were the major driver of how much time you spent on a project or how you kept up with your skills. As your work advances and your family grows, things become more complicated. Eventually, you cross a threshold where you are no longer in control of most things that influence your life. Acting like you are is a significant waste of your energy.

Instead of trying to make people do what you want them to or ruminating about events that haven’t happened yet, recognize what you do have control over. You control your response, what you say, your attitude, how you treat others, your boundaries, your self-talk, and how you manage your emotions. You don’t control time, other people’s thoughts or beliefs, what they say, what they do, the seasons, aging, and so much more. 

This approach doesn’t mean you give up on success or goals and eat bonbons on the couch, unless that is what your heart desires. Instead, it is holding a vision of what you want and making intentional choices and aligned actions that move you toward your vision, surrendering to something higher than yourself (life, nature, universe, spirit, God, the divine, source, whatever word works for you) that you don’t have control over. In this way, you co-create your life with your higher power.

Perfectionism

You have high standards and work hard to get things right, and your perfectionism has served you well at times. But like trying to control what is not yours to control, perfectionism will hold you back as life gets more complicated, and you are called to take greater risks. 

Nothing is perfect, so trying to make it so is a significant energy drain. Imagine sending an email to your boss without rereading it a dozen times, doing what you wanted despite the risk of failure, or being vulnerable in your relationship and showing your imperfections. Wouldn’t life be easier? You’d have more time, reap rewards from your risks, and be free to be your imperfect self. 

Perfectionism stems from fear. Healthy striving stems from a positive growth mindset. Releasing perfectionism doesn’t mean you’ll never do quality work again. It means your motivation to do it won’t be out of fear, and you’ll have a healthy boundary, recognizing that quality doesn’t mean perfect. 

Compassion is the tool to move out of perfectionism. Compassion for yourself as a flawed human who makes mistakes and sometimes fails. Next time you feel yourself spinning to make something perfect or avoiding something you want for fear of failure, put a hand to your heart, take a deep breath, and speak kindly to yourself - “I know you’re scared.” “It’s ok to be scared.” “You are not alone.” “You are safe.” This kind of compassionate touch and third-person self-talk is helpful in emotional regulation.

People-pleasing

People-pleasing is a common strategy for feeling safe and belonging. It is an attempt to control those around you to avoid danger. The distinction between people-pleasing and being of service is that the latter is done when you have the energy to give. People-pleasing is giving to others despite your own needs not being met. Being of service is helping others after your own needs are satisfied. 

For many, the idea of boundaries is terrifying. Boundaries feel selfish and isolating. However, boundaries help define who you are and your actions. By defining boundaries, you can be clear with those you care about and connect more with others. Relationships and decisions are easier, and don’t sap your energy.

Fixing

As a successful person, you may pride yourself on solving problems. Has your direct report, a child, or spouse told you a problem, and you immediately jumped into action? Of course, if a true emergency is facing you, action may be what is needed. But more often, there is no immediate threat, and action is unnecessary. The other person may not want you to fix it, and fixing their problem robs them of their journey. They may ask you for support or help; this can be yours to give. Let others be the owner of their problems. 

When a problem is our own, a reaction to fix it immediately arises out of the desire to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Oftentimes, there is an element of uncertainty in not fixing the problem immediately. Uncertainty is one of the most universal human fears. To be in a place of uncertainty is very uncomfortable. But often, when a problem arises, we don’t know the best solution immediately. You may realize you no longer want to be in your job. So, the problem to fix is deciding when to resign and what to do next. The uncertainty and ensuing discomfort often lead to a strong desire to fix the problem and find the solution. This urgency to find the solution leads us to run the problem around in our heads again and again. Sometimes, the solution is not yet known, and we have to make space and wait for the answer to become known. Ask yourself if the urgency you feel is real or something you created. Often, we created it. Not every problem needs an immediate fix. Sometimes, you need to breathe and be still to let the solution find its way to you. 

Making decisions

Making decisions can sometimes feel like a black hole. In 2025, it’s estimated that we make 35,000 decisions daily, many more than our ancestors. Our brains aren’t designed to make this many decisions and feel good. One way to counter this is to simplify things and make fewer decisions. This could be your closet, pantry, social media, television, etc. There are so many places where we’ve been lured into having possibilities but miss the toll that making choices takes. 

Other decision-making pitfalls that waste your energy are making them too fast because you don’t like the uncertainty of an unmade decision (see fixing above) or making it too slowly because you don’t trust your judgment, wisdom, and intuition. When you don’t trust yourself, you go to others for advice. You try to find out what you “should” do. You are searching round and round in your head for the “right” decision. But there is rarely a “right” decision. There are only decisions that represent your next best step, and what this is can only be found within you, your body. Follow what helps you feel open, expansive, and free. 

When you learn to trust yourself, decisions are easier and more sound. You’ll spend less time chasing your metaphorical tail and feel more aligned in the action you take. 

When you see controlling, perfectionism, people-pleasing, fixing, and ineffective decision-making, know that you are human and doing these to manage fear. Once you see that fear is in the driver’s seat, let your wise self take the wheel by soothing your younger fearful self, and letting her know she is safe. Fear drains your energy. Waking up to how fear wastes your energy through controlling, perfectionism, people-pleasing, fixing, and difficulty making decisions is a huge step toward peace and freedom.